The Potbelly Pixie

Through the looking glass

An "Alice" card for my friend Dina, who made me an 18th Century France chunky book page in exchange.  This one's "Alice Bemused."

Ink, marker.

Cakes & Confections

For my first time as a swap host I chose a really light and lively theme -- Cakes & Confections.  I've been totally entranced by Baltimore's CHARM CITY CAKES on the Food Network of late, and that was my inspiration.  All the work for this swap was really vivid and whimsical so I think everyone will be happy with their returns even though we had a small group of only five artists participating, including me.  I'm so excited to be sending these out!  And it's super fun to be a swap host, because people send you extra cards sometimes as a special "thank you" treat, or postage to help defray costs.  Mail art is so fun and its own community.  I wish I could turn everyone on earth on to it.

Share your thoughts

Sometimes life is so breezy (and easy) and other times, it really makes me stop and think -- often, light thoughts, but other times, darker ones.  Some of those thoughts, light and dark both, I share here on my blog.  Sometimes I write at length.

Other things are more private, and I don't share about them at all.  Or I mention them only peripherally, because they don't belong here, in the public domain.   

Whenever I write, even if I'm somewhat revealing and left a bit vulnerable, I'm aware that my words might live, cached or saved somewhere for eternity (literally!).  So even when something I've written is soul-baringly uncomfortable for me, I make sure it's not SO uncomfortable that a forever cache which replays it on command would be problematic. 

Likewise, some of my breezier moments I keep to myself, because they're mine, and not for public consumption.  Others, though, I share openly, because they bring connection, and I like connection.  I like saying, "Lookit!" to people around me, and sharing about things that excite me, or pondering aloud those things that confuse or amuse or befuddle me, seeking feedback and varying perspectives.

In short, my blog has a purpose -- but that purpose is not to represent ALL of me, in EVERY moment, in EVERY way.  Rather, my blog represents SOME of me, in SOME moments, in SOME ways.  It represents me truthfully... but incompletely.  You'd think that would be self-evident, simply based on the nature of what a blog is -- a "web log".  A list of "entries."  It's not a complete history, or an autobiography, or a  personal journal, but rather, something jotted down in discrete moments, and designed for consumption by family, friends, and -- yes -- strangers the world over.  Which means it should (if blog authors have any prudence at all) be restricted to publicly appropriate comments using publicly appropriate language.   Even when it reveals, and is personal.

My blog lets me communicate who I really am much more informally than my website allows, and much more cohesively (and with greater focus) than sporadic posts on a forum can accommodate.  I can share what matters to me... but selectively, with care and attention.  And I get to maintain control and steer content, which is fun... like when I'm on an ATC streak, or an Etsy find streak, or a "musing" streak like I am today.  A blog works for me, because I like sharing and connecting with people; because I like talking about art and bears and interesting folks I encounter, and topics that fascinate.  I like hearing feedback from others, whether it agrees with me or not.  A blog works for me because I like introducing the world to things I think are "neat" that others might find "neat," too.  And when I want to see what someone ELSE thinks is "neat", I visit THEIR blog!  I don't think me or my blog are the be-all, end-all, or that my problems are the world's problems or even very important, for that matter.  When I blog, I'm just scribbling my little scribbles (with a keyboard, of course), recording whatever is on my mind on that particular day, if/when I get a chance to sit down at my keyboard, and I'm usually thinking to myself, "Hey... If people read this and like it, cool!  I hope I've brightened and broadened someone's world."  If not, though, this blog's purpose is still meaningful to me; it catalogs what mattered to me, in discrete moments, and was appropriate to express publicly, at given points in time.  Which is also pretty cool, if you ask me. :)

I'm wondering about blogs today, and what they contain (images, musings, praises, reports, and complaints).  I'm wondering how they're perceived by people that are NOT ME (I know how I perceive them!), and I'd like to pick your collective brains for feedback on the questions that resulted from my mental meanderings.  I don't know that there are any right or wrong answers to my questions, per se.  I'd just be curious to hear from you.  And I'm not looking for back-patters or yes men here; please express your opinion (here or in email, if you're more comfortable) as honestly as you can. 

Here's what I wonder, this afternoon, about blogs, and what's in them:

• When you read someone's blog (not necessarily this one), do you assume it reveals everything (or nearly so) about its author?  Or do you approach the endeavor believing you're seeing only a snapshot of that person, at a given moment in time?  Would you say, after becoming familiar with a person's blog, that you "know" that person; would you feel confident drawing conclusions about that person's character?  Or would you say that you have learned a few things which give you a flavor of the blog's author, but don't remotely fill in all the blanks about that person?  Would you expect the blog author has retained some mystery... or do you assume they're flung it ALL "out there?"

• Are small problems invalid, and those who express them, self-involved, simply because bigger problems exist in the world, and things "could be worse"?  Put another way:  Should people who struggle with such things as:  a difficult boss; children failing school; a workaholic spouse; or back pain; feel guilty about blogging those real (but relatively small) struggles, or feel superficial sharing them?  Are their concerns irrelevant and insignificant, simply because, elsewhere in the world, soldiers are (bless their hearts and efforts) dying in Iraq; children are dying of cancer; and tsunamis and earthquakes claim thousands of lives.  ??  Those are all terrible things, of course; that's not my point.  My question is:  Is there a standard, in terms of what qualifies as a "legitimate" concern when it comes to what's included in a blog?  Or is it all relative?

• If you encounter a blog that troubles you (content, tone, author, etc.), do you feel compelled to write the author or post a comment, in an effort to alter the content, attitude, or tone or the blog?  Or do you simply stop reading that blog and browse elsewhere?  Why?

There's more, but for now, these are a start.  I'll be curious to read what people have to say on this subject.  Again, feel free to email me if that's more comfortable; I receive a fair amount of blog comments in that form, I assume (perhaps incorrectly) for reasons of confidentiality.

Thanks for anything at all you have to say on the subject.  :)

The world is small

Tony Bennett, originally uploaded by Chance98.

I ran across this photo somehow at flickr; can't remember where my meandering began, but it landed on THIS picture, as sometimes happens on the web.  It features legendary singer Tony Bennett and his (at the time) longtime love, Susan Crow.

The reason this picture is so interesting to me, personally, is that I went to high school with Susan!  Sat right next to her in English class; sophomore year, if memory serves.  And interacted with her across many venues for four years that I enjoyed to the fullest; I loved high school! 

I remember how we got to talking one day about life, and stuff, as high school girls (avoiding classwork) sometimes do, and she told me she was the President of the Tony Bennett fan club (or something very close to that revelation; time has fuzzed out the details.)  I was impressed, but surprised to hear it, because she was a little "young" for his usual demographic; at the time he was more her parents' age.  The truth is, though, she just loved his music, his persona, his whole vibe, which I never forgot, because it was so... well... odd, and admirable, that she could be so revealing and truthful and okay with it.  And she translated all of that into something so much more than just another embarrassing schoolgirl crush; she ended up supporting him directly by managing his fan club and getting involved in his world.

My understanding at the time was that this wasn't some backwoods, dorky, badly-run high-school version of a fan club, either; it was THE Tony Bennett fan club, or something close to it.  Obviously, over the years, her involvement brought her near him. 

I've seen her on TV several times over the years, including once, in the audience at the Oscars, the year Tony received a special award there.  She was radiant in, I think, a gold gown.  She's been the subject of many of his paintings and as such has been published in several art books featuring his work. which I've stumbled across at Barnes & Noble more than once.

She looked EXACTLY the same back then, in high school, as she does in this picture, taken in 2007, which amazes me.  Knowing her at little bit, she's probably managed this without an iota of plastic surgery.  She has always had a very natural healthy way about her.

I remember Susan fondly, as someone so smart she's nearly brilliant; very down to earth; preppy and classically styled (even now, apparently!); and incredibly kind, which is all too rare in this world.  I read once that she became a teacher, which is my graduate training, too.   I remember really liking and admiring her, even though we were never close friends. 

I was ecstatic to read that she and Tony married last summer, especially since I ended up with a much older man (14 years, to be exact) myself.

We're long out of touch, she and I, and her life is so different from mine now -- I think she lives with Tony in a beautiful apartment in New York overlooking Central Park, and takes limos regularly! -- but I was just so tickled to find this picture I had to share it, and my association with the lovely woman in it.

Here's a dressier, 2004 version of this classy couple which I found online.  I'd recognize her anywhere, even now.

Photo courtesy ViewImages.com

Your reality isn't my reality

This morning, I awoke to an email which, among other things, referenced me as verging on being a "vain glorious cow."

A COW.

That's a first.

Why??, you wonder.  Because I feel self conscious about being an adult wearing braces, and I shared those inner struggles publicly, in my blog.  And someone in the blogosphere who read my comments thinks my head is out of whack, I'm making too big a deal out of little things, and I need to get a grip.

I'm not particularly hurt, or even all that defensive, about being called vain, or a cow, or about many of the other bold and less than complimentary things the letter implied about me which, more than anything else, showcased not my lack of perspective, but how little the writer knows or understands me.

But I am bemused, and a little annoyed, and feeling somewhat despairing about the state of our world.  Because the letter, at its foundations, despite it's "helpful" outward appearance, lacked respect... and I think that's at the heart of what's going wrong in our world.  That people, plain and simple, choose not to respect one another.

My letter writer -- who closed with, "Now go do something fun!" -- seems to think she's giving me a pep talk, that she's somehow being a helpful "friend" to me, when she writes about my feelings on adult orthodontics, "You're looking at it all wrong."  WRONG, she said.  As if there are only two ways to look at things, and she owns the "right" one, and I just don't, according to her, remotely "get it."  Which is, um, interesting to me, because as far as I know, she's not, and has never been, an adult wearing braces.  So who is she to talk??

I suppose she sees it as her job to enlighten me.  To set me straight.  To open my eyes.   I really think she thinks she's somehow being nice.  I guess, oddly enough, I should thank her for that.  For her intentions, I mean... not her execution.   And I do feel grateful that she took the time to reach out and write, even if I found her efforts somewhat bungled.

Yet something important gets lost in that "thanks, move on" kind of outcome.  Because it seems to have escaped attention, here, and elsewhere in our world, of late.  Namely, this truism:   Your reality isn't my reality. 

That's true in reverse, too, of course:  my reality isn't your reality.  And you know what?  That's okay.  I expect you to be uniquely and totally you (not a clone of me), and I choose to value you whether I agree with and admire you, or not.  I respect your right to create your own reality, and I value you even if your reality doesn't match my own.  In fact, I fully expect our realities won't match.  Live and let live, and all that.

All I request is that, in like fashion, you respect me, too.

And I think that's what, at the heart of things, is a little bit under my craw today, regarding this morning's letter. Not the cow thing, per se, or even the "you're looking at it all wrong" thing, or even the letter writer's intentions, which I think were supposed to be perceived as supportive.  It's the lack of respect thing that's gnawing at me a little.  The lack of understanding that the world is made up of individuals, each of whom is equally valid, no matter what their beliefs.  And the lack of understanding that it's not YOUR job to change me to be just like you, because I'm okay, just as I am.

So what, exactly, IS respect?  To me, respect could be summed up simply, completely, and eloquently, just like this:  Respect = Valuing yourself, others, and the world.

I can tell you with certainty that I didn't feel valued being called vain, wrong, or a cow.

Now, I'm not gonna spend a whole lotta time on this, because I really do think my letter writer meant well... but I do have a few meandering thoughts in closing.  They go something like this:

(1)  I've done lots and lots of web research on adult orthodontics, and some of what's been most helpful to me has been the writings and musings of other adult orthodontics patients.  Wearing braces as an adult hurts more than it does as a kid.  That's a fact.  I've read this online; heard it directly from my orthodontist; and now, experienced it firsthand, since this is my second time in braces.  As one web writer put it... With a kid, teeth move as if through Jello.  With adults, teeth move as if through cement. 

Also, while more and more adults are seeking orthodontic treatment than ever before, we are still a VERY rare minority in the overall population.  Just how many 42 year old women in braces did YOU encounter today??  I feel really, truly okay being uncomfortable wearing braces -- both physically and psychologically.  And I feel well accompanied in my discomfort by the many, many other people having similarly uncomfortable experiences the world over.  I will continue to write about my orthodontic experiences in my blog, in the hopes they might help someone else, just as the writings of others have helped me. 

If you don't like my opinions on adult orthodontics, then don't read my blog.  There's no gun to your head.

(2)  Jennifer Aniston, an actress I enjoy, once voiced something really important that I'm gonna get a little wrong here because I don't have it in front of me to quote directly.  She was speaking with modesty and humor in the piece I read, about how people expect her to perceive her own life -- which contains many gifts, something she understands full well -- as PERFECT.  And, of course, in reality, nobody's life is perfect.  Even Jennifer Aniston's.  What she said, very earnestly, went something like this: "I get that my life is great, and I'm rich and have a terrific job and all.  But, ya know, shit happens in my life, too."

I think I've written "you're appreciated", "I'm grateful", "my life is blessed", and "I'm so lucky" more times online -- on my blog, on my website, in forum posts, in emails -- than any single person I can think of.  I GET that my life is blessed and that wearing braces as an adult is a small problem, if that's as big as my problems get.  In fact, I think I've written almost exactly that phrase, right here, in this blog... and more than once!  I don't need to be told that "things could be worse" -- duh! -- or that I "could be" a hysterectomy patient whose operation went wrong and ended up with a catheter and a urine collection bag.  Duh, once more.  I could also develop cancer, lose a child to a pedophile/murderer, or have my identity stolen, among other things far more "tragic" than wearing braces... which, by the way, I don't think I've ever actually PAINTED as tragic.  Just... uncomfortable.  For me.

I'm a pretty complex person and I understand that life contains layers of meaning and experience.  I  don't need an instructor to fill in my perceived gaps in knowledge and comprehension, and I really do "get" that there are larger issues than brackets and archwires going on in the world.  Whatever I don't "get" in this world -- and there's plenty of that, for sure -- I'll figure out on my own, when I'm ready and the timing suits me and my life circumstances.  I appreciate your wanting to be my teacher, but I'm okay doing that for myself.  Thanks anyway, though.

(3)  People, please, please consider the following:  RESPECT = Valuing yourself, others, and the world.  You don't need to admire, agree with, or champion those things you can't.   Just VALUE ONE ANOTHER, regardless... because people deserve to be valued, no matter what their beliefs.  People deserve to wake up in a world where accusations of being wrong, vain, and a cow are NOT awaiting them in their mailbox.

Don't they?

I know who I am, and I don't need people to validate me.  But I'd prefer they not go out of their way to INvalidate me.  Because that's not respectful.  And I deserve to be valued for exactly who I am, whether you agree with me and admire me, or otherwise.  I'll bet you feel exactly the same.

Moo, baby.  Moo.  :)

Photo courtesy Judi Paul, bear maker extraordinaire and wife of a Wisconsin dairy farmer.

News to sink my teeth into

So I went in for my six week checkup and all they did was change my ligatures, which I've been entrusted to do myself at home.  I think I change my ligatures on average about 2 times a week... or much more if I eat Cheddar & Sour Cream potato chips (which stain my ligatures bright yellow), Chinese, or Thai food!  These ever-changing ligatures might be helping my teeth move more quickly because the rubber ties that keep bracket held to archwire stay really, really tight.  Most people go in for ligature changes once every 4-6 weeks. My ligatures are being changed around 12-20 times in that same period, instead of just ONCE! So I figure, it can't be hurting!

The orthodontist wanted to "lace" me at my visit, because there are spaces opening up between my front teeth (next to the incisors, or "fang" teeth.)  I chose clear braces so they'd be invisible so the thought of a solid band of figure-eight wire lacing six teeth or more together did NOT appeal and I managed to squeak by without any "lacing" this time around.  However, that may be coming soon, to this adult orthodontic experience. :)  We're in "wait and watch" mode for now and I'm on strict orders to revisit before my next 6 week check if the space gets any bigger so we don't have to spend any time backtracking.   I'm told next time I'll also be getting a much thicker and stronger archwire, which sounds... uncomfortable.

Psychologically, I'm still uncomfortable being an adult braces wearer, but I've been working thru it and trying to just live my life despite my self-consciousness.  It absolutely helps that, just six weeks into the process, my crossbite is already corrected!  Meaning that, while my teeth certainly aren't in their final positions, or fixed in bone and stable yet, the crossbite itself -- the problem where my bottom tooth was in front of my top tooth -- has been corrected.  All of my top teeth are definitely in front of all of my bottom teeth, all the way across my smile, already.  Yippee!  That's something to really celebrate, and a tangible result of even a short time (six weeks almost to the day) in braces.  My changes will be small but are important to my overall comfort and oral health over time, so I'm measuring every baby step, you can be sure!

Some of what's moving you can't see because I'm not taking/posting side views and there's certainly movement there, too.  Spaces are opening up all over and I feel sometimes like my mouth changes with every passing day.  I'm REALLY, REALLY pleased with how much more in alignment my teeth are; notice the before picture where the bottom edges of my upper teeth meandered every which way, and my teeth were rotated besides.  That's all coming along so nicely.  I may yet have celebri-teeth!  Coolio!  Even my lips move differently across my teeth now; the kinda "flat" front aspect of my smile is being replaced with a beautiful arc.  Subtle, but noticeable -- to me, anyway.

All in all, despite some shortcomings and mental anguish, I'm really pleased with how things are going, and have many of you to thank for the words of support and encouragement you provided.  So thank you!

Open for Business

Today's GRAND OPENING marks the dawning of a new era in ATC trading.  Please visit the huge, enthusiastic, fresh, and brand spanking new website www.ATCSforALL.com and get involved in swapping mail art!!  The community is excited and ready to trade with YOU!

Before and After

Whew!  Back from kid-shlepping!

So, just for grins... here's the comparison between BEFORE and AFTER, in what used to be the "working" corner of my studio/guest room.

Big changes, eh?

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Sweet returns

Check out these BEAUTIFUL returns I got in the recent Winter Favorite Artist Pick-A-Theme swap at illustratedATCS.com.  These cards were made by my swap partners in the styles of either Audrey Kawasaki (the sinuous portrait work) or Patricia LeBon/Herb (the abstract trees); I gave them two options to choose from.  I love every last one of these ATC's; they're just fantastically worked and incredibly finely detailed and finished.  I wish I could show them to you in person; you'd be equally amazed, I'm sure.

My new studio

"New" is a bit of a misnomer.  More accurate would be "refurnished" or "rearranged."  But whatever name it goes by, it feels fresh and clean and as a result, I feel renewed! 

I finally finished putting the last bits and pieces away... just in time for the cats to muss the bedspread.  Ah, well; it has a loved, lived-in look as a result.

I've got a sicky boy at home today and need to rush out to grab the other one and get him to karate, but I know people have been waiting to see pics of my "new" studio -- and I've been wanting to share them -- so if you'll excuse my rushed photo session and quick post, here it is!  I'm so thrilled and will be breaking it in, finally!, tonight.

I've got bears from wonderful artists showcased all around the room, plus mail art from swaps and gift exchanges at my favorite mail art trading sites.  And hanging above the guest bed is a gorgeous painting made just for me, by my dad, which celebrates my love of bears and bear making.

It's going to be fantastic to have such an organized space with so much more work area.  I used to literally work in a 2x2 foot square of space, if that... and now I have two entire desks, one devoted to sewing and one to messy arts & crafts, so I can be working on several projects at once.  It was an investment of time, energy, and money (although not too expensive, and I saved for it!), and I know it will really pay off.

Enjoy touring the new space. :)