I've imagineered and designed four bears for Boyds in the last few
weeks, and completed prototypes for two. Busy, busy! Trouble is, I
can't share them with anyone, for obvious reasons -- the designs belong
to Boyds. I don't have a problem with this in any way (it's part of my
job, as well as my contract), except that I really miss sharing my
completed work, and the excitement and process behind and accompanying
it, with my friends, fellow bearmakers, and collectors.
Here's a
super-disguised, ultra small, itty bitty, color-absent sneak peek at
what I've been so focused on, just to show I've been productive...
Regarding
other bear-y fun stuff... I'm crazy busy prepping for the Nevada City
show. I fear I will arrive in NC nearly empty-handed due to these other
obligations which I must complete with focus and professionalism, and
which kinda lept at me suddenly in March -- a month I had planned to
use exclusively for show prep as I have the last two years. But I know
I'll have a great time no matter how many bears I bring (or sell) and
it's as much a social event and a mini-vacation as an exhibition for me
since most of my sales are on the internet anyway. So I'm still really
excited to go and just hope I won't disappoint collectors. I'm working
day and night to bring not just bears, but bear goodies of all kinds,
along with me... hopefully at some varying price points so those who
can't afford my big guys can take home some POTBELLY love of their own
this time around!
On other notes...
My half-sister
Paulette, who lives in Wisconsin, is in the last stages of terminal
ovarian cancer. She's hospitalized with pneumonia right now, which
despite her declining health pretty much came out of nowhere and
surprised everyone since, very recently, she'd been given six months to
a year to live. Doctors aren't sure how long she'll last as a result of
this fluid buildup on her lungs so she's been downgraded to "days to
weeks" which is something that, as prepared as we were, we weren't
prepared for.
I don't actually even know Paulette all that well.
We didn't grow up together; she grew up in Wisconsin, and me in
California, and she's more than a decade my senior. But she's a human
being and someone my mom, whom I love, loves enormously. Watching my
mom helpless and sad and broken over this is maybe the worst thing I've
ever lived through. I hope with everything I am and have that Paulette
lives as long a life as possible, but that prolongs her suffering
(she's been in pain for years.) So the logical alternative is to wish
her an end to her suffering, which would mean I'd be wishing for her
death, if you think about it, and of course that's not something I'd
wish on anyone -- not even my worst enemy (if I had one.) It's all very
confusing and survivor-guilt stricken and mysterious in that "I don't
know how to act or what to say or what to do" kind of way. But of
course, while I'm experiencing all of those emotions related to
Paulette's dying, her illness and death isn't remotely about me in any
real way, even as it touches me so deeply.
I guess these are
just the things people go through, deal with, try to understand to a
greater or lesser degree, as they get older and have to watch loved
ones suffer and, ultimately, die. Have to say, though... I would have
preferred to skip this one entirely. It's a hard lesson to learn first
hand.
Paulette, age 11...
